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Hellllll yes… it’s Roller Derby time in Tallahassee again. If you haven’t been, you’ve got to check it out!!! My first match was an experience, to say the least. This time I’m going prepared, with Skate Over Her Neck T-Shirts and a hankering for a suicide row seat. So go get your tickets early at CD Warehouse, and be prepared to see the likes of Puertoriccan Poision, Convictina, The Great Wall of Gina, Bitchie Cunningham, The Termanatrix, The Roxy Horror Ripper Show and Rum Runner (and all of the others, I’m not intentionally leaving you out!!) at the North Florida Fair Grounds.

Tallahassee RollerGirls
Tallahassee RollerGirls on Myspace

Over at the Tallahassee Democrat. Sweet!

That’s right, Saturday night involves a very small “Guys’ Night Out” contingent and our first attendance at the Tallahassee Roller Derby. It’s held at the North Florida Fairgrounds, and tickets are available there or at CD Warehouse in town. It’s only $10!

I plan on getting there early to sit up front. I’ll cross my fingers and hope that I get a skate to the face! And I guarantee at least one, “Skate over her neck!” comment.

Stolen from wikihow.com

Steps

1. Find a bout in your area. Start with a google search for your city’s name + Roller Derby.

2. Many roller derby leagues issue ‘tickets,’ which allow you to attend their bout, and exchange them for ‘money’. Perform this primitive barter, preferably in advance of the event, as many bouts sell out.

3. Sit on the floor, right on the edge of the track, if possible.

4. Pick a team to root for. If you are not already a fan, base your decision on something completely arbitrary, such as ‘I like that one girl’s socks.’

5. Buy t-shirts, buttons, and stickers featuring your new favorite team.

6. Cheer loudly and lustily during introductions. Boo your team’s foes.

7. Understand the basics of the game. It’s divided into an arbitrary number of ‘jams’, which each last up to two minutes. The point of the game is for each team to get their point scorer, or ‘jammer’, past all the opposing skaters, as many times as possible. The ‘pack’ of skaters block against each other, trying to clear space for their jammer, while getting in the way of the opposing jammer.

8. Cheer loudly when a referee announces a ‘Lead Jammer’. This happens when one of the jammers emerges first from the pack in their first lap through. This jammer now has the power to end the jam before two minutes elapse (the maximum time per jam). This can be a big strategic advantage for her team.

9. If there are elements of the game you don’t understand, don’t be shy about chatting with the referees between periods. They usually don’t bite and probably appreciate the positive attention.

10. Sound knowledgeable by complimenting players on their ‘whips’ (sling-shotting their jammer through the pack) and ‘bootie blocks’ (gettin’ their rump in the jammer’s face).

11. If a fight breaks out, stay seated, but roar appreciatively. If a fight does not break out, roar appreciatively just the same.

12. Applaud the victors and console the losing team. Find out where the players’ after party is, and buy drinks for players from both teams afterward. Don’t forget to buy drinks for the referees, too.

Tips

* Find out what the alcohol policy will be at the bout. If beer will not be sold at the bout, consider drinking beer (or beer surrogates) before you get to the bout. (Over 21 only)

* Get a program; you’ll want to know who’s who, and you should make a point to patronize the sponsoring businesses.

* Go with friends. Derby is best enjoyed in groups.

Warnings

* Sit as close as is allowed, unless medical preconditions limit your ability to dodge falling rollergirls. A skate to the mouth never hurt anyone.

* Any shouted taunts or hollars need to be clever, enthusiastic, energetic, and ‘not stupid.’ An example of a ‘clever’ shout can be anything simple and encouraging, like “Faster, Faster, Kill Kill Kill!” An example of a ’stupid’ shout would be anything sexist, such as ‘Nice Tits, Ladies!’

* Do not creep out rollergirls. (Or, for that matter, any girls.) Do not follow them around after a bout. Do not silently ‘hover’ near or behind them at the bar afterward. Compliment them on specific hits they made or jams they rocked. They will usually talk to you for as long as you want, as long as you are not creepy.